what am i supposed to be?

I thought i had my life planned out, but recently i giving it more thought.

What if i am not able to make it?
What if i crap up?
What if i mess up my works?

really i kinda forgotten all my maya training from less than 6 months ago. It took me like 16 hours to model a simple ipod and it still look weird.

And i really realised, my photos ain't great or wonderful. I been shooting and shooting and shooting, but i felt that i am getting no where. it is like i am stuck there, no matter what i do, i am stuck at this level, and i cannot go up. it is like something is limiting me. I guess it is me that is limiting me. It is not about the tools, it is not about the location. It is just me...

I am not sure how i am going to get through this remaining 2 years of studies. I feel that i am drained out, like i am not supposed to do this, but then, what am i really supposed to do?

I quited too many things just to try something new, and then quit it cause i am tired out. I am getting no where at this rate. No matter what goal i set my sights on, as time go by, i felt there was no way i can grab it....

so what i can really grab please? nothing i guess.
Stuck here being the small green frog that is stuck in the well....
I can't let that happen but it is still going on.

sweet... my GPA went up by 0.1598

which is bullshit please...

back when $1 = 1 GB

i just increased my storage space in my PC by 1.6 times by just adding 1 500GB harddisk. Which cost just $99!!! that is like 5GB for $0.99 or... 19 cents a GB... that is like 5 times cheaper than when i first DIY this PC...

a IDE 160GB harddisk cost like $160... so storage was an issue, but these days... with 4 SATA ports... this PC can take up to 4 TB at like $180 x 4... and that is like... 18 cents a GB... T.T

damn technology... my stuff would be outdated in months at this rate~

a shoot finally...

It has been a while but i finally had a proper photoshoot today...



a short shoot in NP. and of all places the roof of fms again. I think lenne is bored of the place coz this is the 3rd shoot she was at that location.

More pics can be found on my dA.

i am so lazy...

guess what... i realised i am so lazy to log into my blogger that why i have not been blogging but i think i fixed it.

all thanks to an old widget made by google in 07... a blogger widget... so i can blog from my widget screen instead of a url... oh wells..

i should be updating more regluarly soon lolz...

togu u need more pics

some one said that recently in reply y my blog is so dead... but really i dun have an iphone that make my life easier to transfer photos and all..

wasting my time away...

i just wasted my whole monday afternoon in my bed as it as raining till it is so cold.

But well that is not the point. It is that i have nothing to do this holiday. No shoots, no job, no meetings, no one to go out with.

Then when i have shoots, she keeps postponing it. come on please, it is been a long time that i wanted to shoot her but she just keep last minute postpone it due to some bullshit. and sometimes i wonder, if i did not meet her, will i be who i am now? she really changed my life back in sec 3/4. without her... i guess i will still be in aerospace being a geek -.- haiz life...

and i am still not blogging properly...

i ain't dead...

it is just that there is nothing to really post about my life or i have things to say.

it has been 2 weeks since the term ended for me and i spending my days sleeping and nights gaming... i want to start on some personal projects but well my copperhead is dead so i cannot maya for now. then there is the rainy weather so i can't really shoot unless i use my wet weather gear which is a free plastic bag from NTUC and isolation tape... but i myself dun have a good enough jacket or shoes to shoot in the rain..

oh wells, time for dinner.

damn....

my projects are all done and submitted and here i am. wondering too much again...

did i mess up my 2nd sem? i am not talking about results as i know what i going to get...

i am wondering about my class once again... year after year in this education system, i wonder when will it be the last time i will not get outcasted...

in primary school it was due to my aunt who was the disciple mistress for 2 years... some of them knew it. then it was the case of i did not fit in as from the top few classes i fell between the cracks to the last few...

in secondary school, i was bullied too much by idiots and "frens"... the only place i felt in school was the robotics lab, where all the "different" people met...

1st year in poly, Aerospace, i was totally i can say different from all that was there... i kinda stood out like a sore thumb then when i thought i will be normal in dvfx... i still sticking out different from the rest... i dunnoe y, but am i that different to them? am i that weird coz i am an otaku? coz i read manga, listen to japanese music, have a different taste in arts and food.

Do i need to conform?

wait is it worth trying to conform? I am who i am coz i did not want to be what i was supposed to be. I tried to be different to fit in, but i guess i am too different that i cannot fit in once again....

--------------------
Looking at you now, remember how you gave me shit,
And I made lemonade out of it
Pass me the sugar and things still won't be right!
Look what you've built, now are you proud of your deceitful quilt
Well I won't cover myself in it, the warmth has just been choking me!

Thanks! Thanks for nothing
I've taken all you got and started walking,
Not broken, still standing,
Been ripped apart, but now I'm demanding
No more shit, this is it
I am leaving for myself and no one else
So long, been swell, see you in hell!

What would you say? Can't hear
you buried in the lies that you've laid.
I'm breaking myself away from that chain, to bad you don't understand why
I'm walking away, and if you're lucky then someday I may
Possibly forgive you for all of it.
But not today, BUT NOT TODAY!

Lemonade by Tsunami Bomb

i am 19 plus 4 days

no time to update here due to school work. but well i am 19 for 4 days liao...

check my dA and etc for the works.