YO dude, I need some cash

$420 a month minus $20 insurance... and about $100 on transport. tell me how to survive? and i am only earning that amount for the next 2 years as i will be a Recruit for life lol..

damn... i wish i was working instead of serving the country.

messed up life.

I am a failure. Every shit i do, it dun turn up right. Right from Primary school all the to now. I am just a complete failure, i just can't do it correctly can't i? really. Is my karma that fucked up bad? till the point that whatever things i do will just break down? I suck at shooting these days, i can't seem to find something interesting to shoot. I escaped my bowling all due to my left hand. I left robotics coz i was not that great anyway. I stop gaming coz i was never the top fagger...

I can't write for nuts, so i guess no one is going to read this or my photoblogs.
I can't even date for nuts sake. All i get are rejects and [sorry to say] weird girls.
I jumped from aerospace coz my mind can't take it.
now in DVFX, i ain't doing that well. AND then i mess up. my internship form was not sent through. it was just sitting in the draft box when i thought i saw the mail animation flying away and the window closed on last friday morning. I just totally messed up.

i dunnoe what to do now. I just send another email explaining y i did not send when i thought i did to my course manager. but now I just want to go and sleep in peace and not to wake up. but then all these things plays in my head once i shut my eyes.

really why deserve all these shit. I know i am abit harsh to my parents at times. I know i piss them off. I know i am always late. i know i lie alot. i know i dun pray to any gods. but then is my karma that bad that whatever good i do did not offset it?

i knew the weekend was too peaceful,

welcome to my life.

welcome to the moodless days.

fuck it.

if i ever get a movie written about me...

it will awfully look and sound like i copied most of the script and story from 500 days of summer. although i would title mine as 100 days of hell.

well really.

in the past, i kinda still believe in love, but these days, i am not seeing it anymore.

ahh ignore this old emo outburst...

My results for this sem

i was expecting worse. but YAY it was AWESOME

Camera and lighting effects.: A : the 1st production had issues with the cam, 2nd production the shoot was okay, but i aced the quizes. was expecting a B instead of a A

Hardware Modelling & animation : B+ : this was the maya module that was ranting and ranting and ranting was hoping for an A for this but i think due to my late submission i got mark down to a B+

IE: pass : dun need to talk about this time wasting module.

Motion Graphics & broadcast design: A : this was kinda a surprise, like for cam effects i was expecting to be mark down due to the group projects.

Post Production: B : i am not cut out to be an editor. hhahaha. I think i got a B coz i was late for 1 quiz and mess up another one....

Production Planning: B :.... i was hoping for A coz of the time i send putting into the production portfolio. but well B due to attendance and late?

in the end up this sem GPA is 3.5294. HIGHEST i ever get after 2.5 years in NP. but my total GPA went up by 0.2 to 2.9444. ya now i am 0.0556 away from 3 -.-

after all that shit..

so 4 years of friendship ends up like this... i really dunnoe what to say really.

I kinda know why you are ignoring me, but dun we used to have these fights in the past? what happened to your old self, your REAL self? From what i see, you really have a personality issue. Creating one for every new person you meet then once they know you well enough you treat them like dirt. like how you treat your family.
No wonder y me and hel are being ignored by you at times...

that y that day at that event, i was kinda wtf when you say family is VERY impt when i know you dun give a shit. then Helping all your "frens" when you dun help those that helped you before. Girl, you are being used again, like how you allow that idiot to be with you.

I am just worried for you. coz i know how shitty is it to be used to do things for others and get nothing back in return. Coz that is what you been doing to me recently... from teaching you on how to shoot, to your stop motion and your 24 ideas filming... i really get nothing in return but only your fucked up attitude...

I thought i will give you a chance to change after you broke up with that idiot. but now nearly a year. that you went back having your multiple personalty. I should had gave up helping you and hope you changed but from what happened recently...
I dun even need to bother.

So, next time if you need help, you still can ask me, but if i am getting that bullshit hime-sama attitude from you again... go and ask someone else.
Please just wake up and see the world.

fuck you maya...

really fuck you...

i command+S every time and yet, for the last 6hours, you never save. fuck you... now i am screwed. big time...

maya maya maya

really...

now i know why they name maya, maya. If it was a name like james, or 3D program A...

you cannot say fuck james when it crashes.. 
you also cannot say screw 3Dprogram when the backups disappears...

at least when u say fuck/screw/shit maya... it still sound natural...

fucked up year

what did i do to get these shit? really! first, i having issues talking to my dad thanks to his male menspause... then i starting to have sleeping issues. i can lie on the bed for hours then i can sleep. next is having the feeling tt i am outcast in class once again. then alot of shit is happening in the photography club which giving me a headache. from missing filters to mia tripod to cam body tt cannot work. and the school is expecting us to pay the repairs first.


what other shit was there? oh i was in hosp overnight and felt like i was dying. after my first year ended i thought year 2 would be better for me but. within 8 days of school. my macbook pro was stolen. there goes my portfolio, work and life. then now school may not loan me money for a second one. so there goes my plan to buy a new dslr and my wacom. there goes the relation with my dad. there goes my dream. then she now is getting on my nerves. even though i love her. she dun even bother to be nice or greatful of all the shit work i did for her. all the extra work i do. and in return, all i got was nothing but fucked up attitude.

it is getting bad for me till the point tt i think it is okay tt i get a heart attack in ns . i had a great life. but really it is getting fucking unlucky till the pointthathe s ih dunit carefor liao. what did i do to get all These shit?

from bullied to getting outcast. to being rejected to robbed. ignored.. i think no one will cry over me when i dead.

so much for being the mister nice guy.
what goes around does'nt come around

i miss my mac...

i miss my rideback wallpaper.
i miss my widgets.
i miss my ical...
i miss my itunes...
i miss using 2 fingers to scroll
i miss using apple/command + w
i miss not HAVING to update my OS EVERY DAY...
i miss the alarm clock on my mac..

fuck the idiot that stole it. and it looks like he entered my gmail account on may day. told the cops about it. and they say they see what they can do....



on another news... WTF... do i need to wait 11mins for a train??? and NEL purposely did not show the timings on the platform or announce that there were delays in the train services.... i was at dhouby ghaut waiting for a north bound punggol train for like 12mins, and man the platform was pack... this was taken at farrer park station. after i got off.

my mac is gone...

i am gone... happy new year... -.-

what am i supposed to be?

I thought i had my life planned out, but recently i giving it more thought.

What if i am not able to make it?
What if i crap up?
What if i mess up my works?

really i kinda forgotten all my maya training from less than 6 months ago. It took me like 16 hours to model a simple ipod and it still look weird.

And i really realised, my photos ain't great or wonderful. I been shooting and shooting and shooting, but i felt that i am getting no where. it is like i am stuck there, no matter what i do, i am stuck at this level, and i cannot go up. it is like something is limiting me. I guess it is me that is limiting me. It is not about the tools, it is not about the location. It is just me...

I am not sure how i am going to get through this remaining 2 years of studies. I feel that i am drained out, like i am not supposed to do this, but then, what am i really supposed to do?

I quited too many things just to try something new, and then quit it cause i am tired out. I am getting no where at this rate. No matter what goal i set my sights on, as time go by, i felt there was no way i can grab it....

so what i can really grab please? nothing i guess.
Stuck here being the small green frog that is stuck in the well....
I can't let that happen but it is still going on.

finally

finally i got my timetable



Once again it is a 3 day school week for me!!!!
Well. I went to NP on monday to check if am i enrolled in my course or not... what happened was that or what FMS office thought to be was that as i am a transferred student the system dun auto update me. but well they were shocked.

monday -> no class due to i did S&W and CATS last year. *hated those modules*
tuesday -> 9am-6pm Photography!!!! ya 9 to 1 all on photography, well maybe sharpen my skills only... Writen Comm T.T... it is English class again... i am expecting to score badly for it. Animation Foundation -> Zbrush and basic flipbook and etc. should be okay for this module. Location Production! the most fun and expensive module.
and yes on tuesday i have like 4 of 5 modules i am taking this sem...
wednesday ->9am-5pm 3D art by calvin again!. more to wiremesh and clay. aniFdn in the afternoon.
thursday -> 9am- 11pm? Writ comm T.T in the morning for 3 hours... then 2hrs break then locprd! till 6, then it is cca till 11pm.... i so going to kill myself.. -.-
friday -> for projects i guess and well cca at 5/6pm...

well it should be a good sem.

I cannot drink. pronto.

It is getting worse. My alcohol tolerance has gone to the all time low i think...

In the past, 2 bottles [500ml total] of sake and i will just get the itch... and well super high... but these days [like tonight] 2 bloody small sake cup and i was turning red and well high abit, but not drunk...

and i dun get how some frens can finish a whole bottle of vodka when 30ml of it with 2 mugs of ribbena and make me knock out...

so if anyone ask me to go clubbing, i think the free drink coupon will last me the night... -.-

fyi: i cannot drink tiger, heineken [turn rosy in like 1 mug for draft or 2 small bottles]... asahi and kirin and yebisu have little effects on me. one glass of wine and i go red.

why so moodless?

My fren was bored... and after he read my msn nick -> y moodless.
he was like why so moodless sound so much better... well so here you have it.



moodless laughing man style...
haiz thanks man...

Well it is 2 more sundays to the move. and well, i dunnoe what to move there. Going to pack my PC and computer stuff next week, my school stuff are in the boxes. still I look around... i have tons to pack, yet i am wasting my time, mayaing and escaping reality.

Wrong time, wrong place and wrong mood...

Is it me or i am blind. I picked the wrong day, wrong place and she was obivously in the wrong mood. she was not the first one that i ask her out, yet, after 3 years and so many girls. I still making the same mistake.

Maybe i should be the one waiting, instead of me asking.
But, i am sick of waiting...

life is funny ain't it?

friday the 13th did occur to me again for the 4th year running. i forgot that things happens on the week of it and the week after it and it had to be some major shit did happen to my always cocked up messed life...

august 04, mess up my papers for promotion to sec 3...
jan 06, kena used as sub for 10 days....
april 07, she dun want to talk to me...
june 08, another got off the market...

damn sian...

It is like i cursed to have relationship issues on the weeks of friday the 13th is it?

missing from here.

Okay i have not been updating here.

one year after and it still scares me when i see her full name.

i ain't moving

oi! to those uncles and aunties,

I dun want to move to that place.

Sell the god damn district 11 place and get a smaller and NEW property which is @ half of the selling price of the current aging place.

one year is not a long time

It been a year since we kind of stop talking.

hate friday the 13th.

missing you?

went for matsuri for the last 2 days. day 1 was j-rock *cough*crappy*cough*

met some old friends. and some new ones.

day 2. had the jtc meeting with the interested parties. see what we can do. then.

cosplay matsuri was okay but i was selective and lazy on taking cosfucks. so i only went round shooting frens and etc...

well photos are up on sgcafe and DA. so go there and check.

haiz and i am missing you.