no net...

like the blackout in NY, my router is doing the same to me. it is like a emp pulse damaged the transformer[not the robot, but that black box]. it is like due to a long time use of my router on 24/7 since feb. i felt a rest was needed, so i off the router in the morning and low and behold, it cannot be turned on after that...

SO learn this, u either turn on ur router 24/7 forever or u turn off and on when u use... [ okay that is to me]

haiz, so people if u do read, I will be not able to be online, most of the time as there is no service in my house, unless i use jess's network, but as she have not appear online i cannot get the go ahead. but for now,

sorry jess, i am using your network.

but i will be online during my school hours, at least.

please sms me for this period of time.

the fucked up moodless day.

Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,

i really wish i can just be a normal kid, have a normal life. but hell, i dun have one, but technically, it looks normal from the outside, i dun really excel at all. i am not an outstanding person. i look perfectly normal from the outside. but haiz... it is not normal.

when u have parents that dun like go for gathering, dun like to mix with people they dun know. you know that you dun have a normal life, come on i am 17, most parents dun mind the kid to have their own room, if there is a room in the house that is not that used. and my parents give me the most crap and shit reasons not to use my study room as my room, when most of the stuff in it are mine. okay i will state it here today, this is my say, i will turn that study room of mine in to my bed room by the end of this year, no matter what they say.

okay i am quite worked up on this crap cause of this morning and yesterday... being the target that gets blame / start the argument / topic of argument from my parents... i got worked up by it that i just stood up from the dinning table and had some fight with my dad....

come on dun say that i sleeping around, i am your freaking son. it is like saying that i am a gigolo.. i dun even have a girlfriend, like i can sleep around... girls like hot guys, i am a freaking geek, not handsome at all, i am not smart, i am not outstanding, i am, well perfectly average.

i really that bad in life,
1 girl dump me after a week, with the crappiest dump line i ever heard from anywhere....
another told me it depends....
another just rejected me and only contact me when she wants to go out or need help...
and one just did not gave a reason, an answer or reply, she just let go. block me on msn, i guess she would block my phone number is she know how to.... lucky i did not teach her how. I really thought we can last, but i guess it happened to fast....

i am those guys that tend to go for girls that i like, if i dun have the feeling, i am not interested in that girl. [ that is how i rejected 2]... maybe i think too much of love at first sight... i should move away from that idea...

well and someone have a great saying to me, " go and get a girlfriend.." halo ms, ain't you the perfect candidate? haiz if do read this, go and get a boyfriend, you got to learn not to toy with too many guys hearts, although the major one you toy with was that guy...

a relationship is not a one way street, it is a busy 4 lane expressway. after that girl, i should have known, but it was still one way, but the arrow was pointing to her. i fell for her but nothing much came back,except when she was down...

i still cannot forget... i cannot take alcohol as it affects my painkillers and and i get drunk too fast now, [ my alcohol torrence is getting lower to now, 1.5 cups of the tall sake cup]. it is screwed.

i just want to get over this... and listen to that someone, get a girlfriend.

--------------------------------------
Yeah here we go for the hundredth time
Hand grenade pins in every line

Throw 'em up and let something shine
Going out of my fucking mind

Filthy mouth, no excuse
Find a new place to hang this noose

String me up from atop these roofs
Knot it tight so i won't get loose

Truth is you can stop and stare
Run myself out and no one cares

Dug the trench out laid down there
With a shovel up out of reach somewhere

Yeah, someone pour it in
Make it a dirt dance floor again

Say your prayers and stomp it out
When they bring that chorus in

[Chorus]
I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away

I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away

I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away

Just to throw it away
Just to throw it away

I bleed it out
[End Chorus]

Go stop the show
Choppy words and a sloppy flow

Shotgun opera lock and load
Cock it back and then watch it go

Mama help me I've been cursed
Death is rolling in every verse

Candy paint on his brand new hearse
Can't contain him he knows he works

Fuck this hurts I won't lie
Doesn't matter how hard I try

Half the words don't mean a thing
And I know that I wont be satisfied

So why try ignoring him
Make it a dirt dance floor again

Say your prayers and stomp it out
When they bring that chorus in

[Chorus]
I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away

I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away

I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away

Just to throw it away
Just to throw it away

I bleed it out

I've opened up these scars
I'll make you face this

I pull myself apart
I'll make you, face, this, now!!!!

[Chorus]
I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away

I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away

I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away

Just to throw it away
Just to throw it away

I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away

I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away

I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away

Just to throw it away
Just to throw it away

I bleed it out
I bleed it out
I bleed it out
------------------------

some moodless photos

took these at the photohon that np photography club organized.

here are my best 5.through the eyes of another camera

the lonely one

look through the circles

down the stairs

the arrow will lead you.

the rest of my day pics can be found on togusa-designs.blogspot.com

night then got school tmr [ finally!!!]

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||||||||| 70% Schizoid |||||||||||||||||| 78% Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||| 74% Antisocial |||||||||||||| 58% Borderline |||||||||||||||||||| 86% Histrionic |||||||||||||||||| 74% Narcissistic |||||||||||| 42% Avoidant |||||| 22% Dependent |||||||||||||||| 62% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||| 50%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

some disorder test i took online... according to the site, if the results are over 70%, chances i have that disorder is about 60% to 80%,so that means that i am paranoid, schizoid, schizotypal, borderline [ normal prbs] and histrionic. whoa i got so many disorder, comparing to mich teo, she only have schizotypal.

so if i do go crazy, please send me to IMH.

the moodless me

for some people's entertainment, since someone complained that he dunnoe how i looked now...

wait shit, he dun know my blog [ i think]... haiz... come on, i got post at least one photo of me on this blog at least once every few months [the last time was turtle's bd and the time before that was my nippon trip, before that was my grad nite posting and that is all the pics of me that i posted online on my blog]

i am not model quality, so i try not to post pics of myself, but as a photographer, i post a lot of others. so dun sue me for uploading any of pics of anyone if it is taken by me.

night now.

sorry 4s1 ppl, i had some major stomach problem till like 1.30pm plus so i cannot go for the class gathering [ okay, it is a nicer way to state that i was stuck in the toilet from 11am to then]

well when my body stop puking from the rear, i received a call from sony ericsson telling me that i can collect my phone, it is all fixed [ till the point that they change the whole top section of the phone, the keypad, the connect for earphones and charging and my earphones]

you got to love SE servicing, they do every thing as long as it is not voided by yourself. and it is free!

haiz. went to turtle place after that then to dhoby to hang. and hang till someone got pissed...

well night then.

tired week...

okay... although it is not a school week it is going to be a tiring one. what is my this week plans [ i sent my phone for repair so my calender is missing till thrusday 6pm plus]

monday[past]: go to ICA to renew passport, then to sony to service the phone and earphone, then to NP bowling training.

tuesday: either go to NP for 12hrs japanese drama [10am to 10pm] or follow dad for bowling

wednesday: NP photography's photothon, 10am to 5pm, then dunnoe what to do.

thrusday: 4s1 class gathering at 12, then hang in town till 6pm to collect my handphone

friday: cover event in school, be at the photography clubhouse by 1pm till 5pm plus [ then get present for liang-liang's girl's one month old birthday.]

saturday: got to be in school by 10-12 for photography sharing session ,be at liang-liang place by 2pm for his girl's one month old birthday. [maybe forced to cover that mini event too T.T]

sunday:[free?]

haiz a moodless week coming up....

GE

sorry no pics of the ge event but here are some crap screen shots of GE...

and the moodless things that u can do...

great what did we forget???

haha, you guys are slow.
[please look in the background]

hey hey this is a pubic road... dun hug here

see lame right... [haiz ever since folks heard that it will be wow style [ in the sense of pay monthly to play, there were alot of farmers [since it is the june holiday extra more farmers wanting to earn quick buck] and quitters[ non-wow mode of payment fans] and alot of extras...

well night then,

ge, rain and rain

went to the GE raid party and left there fast, as there was nothing to do at all.

firstly, it was raining, *stoned*. next is that i HAVE to go as someone dun want/ cannot go to buy the box set for herself.the gaint that kage's character got stomp on and on was a 2m tall relica standing outside of zouk [sorry i was not bothered to snap pics as i dun see the need and i was not in a shooting mood], velvet underground was off limit [although i gain access to it easily thanks to the cam in hand [ they thought i was one of the media folks] ] they turn phuture into a temp shop selling the box set and the mechs. and the main stage of zouk into a gaming zone [ note no deco was seen thus i kept my cam]

also, no cosplayers appeared. [ the only 2 that came won $100 vouchers from singtel and they were in basic EGA ] the GE cosplayers [hired, old, not models, in costume] was well... not cosplaying but just wearing the costume. [ dun tell me that they think being in costume, you are cosplaying, if u do that, u are a cosfuck] well i kept my cam deeper in my bag thanks to them.

Well since i was underage, the day raid was the max i can go. so i left after walking/ looking around for any familiar faces with a can of coke in hand and well left the place.
[ it is not that i dun like zouk, it is that the GE thing was not fun to attend.]
fine it was more crampy than MOS [fine the max cap is smaller.] but it was stuffy.

well well to get a fathers day card for my dad, and i got him a bottle of beer... ya a bottle of beer written in jap and some english saying No. 1 dad and etc... went for bowling training [ arrive like 4.45pm and the coach was like," whoa so early, we about to finish and now u come" and he goes on about getting a spare ball again... ya, again. [to the point that ryan, memorized word for word to mock me every time i miss pin 7] haiz...

okay night then.

oh... happy 14..

okay i got a junior that pissed me off an hour plus ago.
ya ya it is today is his happy 14 years of living on this decaying planet.

this is what he wrote: [brb i go to mcd and grab a bite then will type later]

AL: YO CJ
AL: I AM 14 YEARS OLD NOW
togusa: i dun care?
togusa: ur dp looks sick *different topic*
AL:I AM FOURTEEN *ignoring my comment of his dp*
togusa: so? * dun get why the hell he tell me he is 14*
togusa: i am 17, so what?
AL: K lar dun disturb you
AL: emo man
togusa: u dun act ur age, this is the prb
AL: yar yar, wise man
togusa: really u dun
AL: act, THE WORD IS ACT, "act"

come on if you are mature enough you should know that your birthday is nothing. it is just a day to show that u grew older, which you are supposed to be more matured, but as seen in the messages, u have not matured yet.

If you are matured, u won't give a shit that it is your birthday at 0000hrs. You DUN go msning people to tell them that you are 14 and hope that they will reply with a wish saying Happy birthday!. People who want to wish you that will automatically do it. This will then really show how many of them are really your friends.

One thing, YOU [AL , if u are reading] are not my friend. You are ONLY my junior. I actually hate your imature thinking, your rebellious thinking which will backfire on you [ change the system, COME on the system was there from day one, and it works well, why should we the seniors listen to you a newbie, 1st year, to change to fit your ways?] IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE SYSTEM, BE THE SYSTEM!! BE IN CHARGE!!

but you will never be in charge of the robotics club, you pissed off the 2 teachers, you pissed the seniors off[ especially when u sided with the traitor], you have pissed the sec 3s, although they show no sign of it as they need you for reports.

IF YOU DID NOT KNOW,WE PLAN TO USE YOU!

We hated your idea of using robotics as 2nd cca for the scouts, the robotics club need full time people, people that only care of robotics, winning the competition and dropping every other task in hand to just do robotics. By advising the scouts to join robotics. You have brought in idiots who think robotics club meeting is for them to use the computers. We the seniors have not got back at you for that. We ignored it as we needed the numbers, but only 10 will continue on like every year.

sec1to sec2: 10 to 15 active useful ones
sec2 to sec3: 8 to 10 active useful ones
sec3 to sec4: 5 active useful ones [ this are the ones that will take over]

in total our club need only 40 members to survive [zul i hope u read this]
--- 5 office holders
---10 plus sec 1 to fill the teams
---10 sec 2 to fill the teams
---15 sec 3 and 4 to fill the teams and advises the juniors

follow the old style of seniors of picking new office holders,
pick the good but quiet ones,
pick the useful and full of ideas ones,
pick those that listens, follow and help you the most.
dun pick those with ideas that are very god damn risky [ percentage of working less than 40%]
consul the seniors before picking.

the club have followed this way for the last few gens. [ at least from the cheese time]
cheese to david chia to LJ to mine to you [zul]

the only thing that changed was that the chairperson was no longer the figurehead [ cheese and david was the TD, LJ and me was to supposed to be TD, but no one else was qualified to be chairperson that will allow the TD to run the show. zul case was that no one else fill the standard, that included the sec 4s]

i sensed that the sec4s [mostly from 4SA, only listens to the traitor]

whoo, 1 hour of ranting... i feel much better [ and full from the filet o fish that i had]. remember zul, dun pick someone that dun listen to the seniors advises and that the teachers dun like....

night then

0415

it is 0415 hrs. and i cannot sleep. and i am going out early tomorrow this morning. I am just lost my fever and i have no idea what i am here typing this. I want to sleep! but the old problem reappears. I haven't got over her yet. I just want to want to sleep and forget, forget of the past, forget those memories. i just want to forget.

tailling behind...

as you can see... after 2 mths of playing, 57hrs plus of, it i am only at chief petty officer gold. at least 3 -4 ranks behind turtle or bri....

haiz... anyway back to the main thing i wanted to say... well i am having a fever from sunday.

well the bowling victory dinner was "fun" and cold... till i cannot take it that i have to disappear outside to warm up and get knocked out by my fever... [ i could not take paranoid due to my painkillers...]

well, i did not win any awards from the bowling championship, as
1. i sux
2. i did not have a spare ball
3. got alot of pro
4. they did not expect so many youth to join.
5. most of the youth got pwned.

heck, we i won a twin mickey mouse mug... *yay* can add it to my collection of mickey mouse mugs...[ i using one now, plus 4 more some where...], one thing, dun get me mickey mouse mugs. i dun like them, i just use what i have.
[ if u want to get me a mug, get me the laughing man mug from the anime mech shop at sunshine plaza...]

haiz got knocked out by the fever till i sauna in my bed with a 18 degree air con bowling... went to JB on monday/ yesterday to get my bro ball and maybe to do my hair...

well i did not do my hair, but got a new strike ball... storm jolt pearl... the reaction of the ball was the same as my old flip-side wild but more hook till i stand on the 30 board from my left and throw 2.5 arrow from the left for it to hook nicely into the pocket... [which i afterwards tested worked like 1 out of 5 throws] but by standing at 26 board, throwing at 2 or 2.5 arrow. my ball hook to the outer pocket and gives me a strike [ happened 3/8 throws ] the ball damn noisy too... [ quiet on the lane, noisy at the pins]

my bro got a storm tropical.... haiz... well my dad thought i could get to do a rebond, dye, wash and cut for RM100 [ well fat hope. i was giving a RM250 budget like in SG with a SG$250 budget.]

well time to get some rest or else tmr i cannot bf2142...

haiz odex, avpas

where should i put this posting, here or at togusa-designs?...

Okay, I realised odex and AVPAS are doing the wrong thing. Attacking the anime fans, due to we download anime as it is hurting their biz. odex dun produce good anime as they think sg got no market for it. Come on, SG is otaku zone in SEA. u say anime, ppl know what is it,
you name gendou, people know about it.

well i going to be targeted by odex soon i guess.[ since it is obvious that i DL anime and have all the links to torrents on my link page, oh PS odex, if u produce good ones and from titles like Suzumiya Haruhi or GANTZ [okay there will never me a uncensored version of it...] ouran, code geass. I will buy. but please release will some freebies collectibles. [otaku love those].

Well odex, if you even read this. dun sue me. and one more thing, The easiest way for u to market your anime, is to market it on tv. or u create a channel on starhub or singtel IPTV, showing the freshest anime/ shows/ drama from japan with english subs. IT will be like a preview for all to watch. once they get hooked, they will buy the anime DVDs. Team up with a few subbers company and create a tv channel that dun show repeat telecast [ dun be like animax, i dun hate that channel but no english subs piss me off!!!!] by not repeating a ep of anime, people that want to collect and watch again have to buy the DVDs, [note via cable and IPTV, u have released a high def version of that anime that can be used in your DVDs, and by screening one ep every week, your subbing team got enough time to do it.]

odex odex, simple tv still work. the channel markets your products, and will improve your sales...

so just think simple ok? [the japanese companies should not have a prb of anime on tv that will be screened once [ it will be like what they doing in japan]

note: if the anime released 1-3 week behind the start of the session in japan, it should be okay to most fans. as we usually only catch on a new anime after 2 weeks plus, after reading animeblogs.

well that is all of my rants for today. good night then.

a moodless day...

we due to i woke up at 4pm... friday was quite moodless. went to ssc to watch the youth open masters. and ya i wonder how come everyone scored so badly? RT messed up till at the 6th he just gave up. YL just played for fun after a few games. [actually, she did not want to bowl at all...]

haiz haiz.. fun night lah. but with TT wracking my arm with his wrist guard. it was irritating. man. time to sleep but 1st some pics.
took this on thursday evening at ssc, got a few shoots of the nice sky line before it set. i will do a special on it soon, during my term break.
i upgraded my laptop with 2x 1gb kingston 533mHz rams from the pc show and some stickers i brought from the art/card design shop at ps, [ spot the difference.] on my laptop. turtle should know what i did.

well this is togusa for u
good night.
***ps: i really should have gone to do design. engineering gives me headaches.!!!***

not that fresh from japan

remember that "fucked it" post about my wrist bands? well the one i ordered from miwitch , i finally went to collect it. some camwhoring on it... [SG$25 ]




the sad thing.. it was made in china... [MAD products used to be japanese made...]

blog stats...

okay let me share some of my blog stats. My blog started in oct in 05 but i only started using the stat counter in late march 06.

below is the stats from march 06 to june 07

as u can see my viewership has dropped from a 500 plus average to a 400 plus then to a 300 plus for last month. I know the exams periods cause less people to check people blog. but the drop is too fast!!!! [ the funny thing was that during before my o's there was a record of 644 pageloads... [ 22 perday. and most a unique viewers]

now lets look at the ISP. i got some one inside DSO checking my blog in recent days... DSO??? what did i do?? if the person who is in DSO and checked my blog, please leave a message on my tagbox or email me at here .

most users are from singtel. some from starhub...

hmm. ok time to study my TF1, test at 11am... night

Till now...

seven weeks and i still cannot get it over.
silent treatment meant something, but what was that something.
i am not so sure.
i am those idiot that need to be heartbroken properly to get over it,but i guess it will never happened. I did not tell her about the 13th problem... heck this message was never written.

i just missed her.
she was at streetfest but i did not see her. [ but i received odd stares for all over the place. from some of the photographers to some of the cosplayers.]
haiz... well EG1 CT is in 11 hrs time, i did not bother to study. i feel like failing and disappearing. I am too emo-ish...

when i get emo-ish... i know that the painkiller has wore off. i am getting addicted to it. It helps me forget, but it was the cause for all this problems... if i was not on it. I will not forget of what i said to her. [got to thank that person that asked me to reflect on what happened or i did not even realised that i was at fault.]
haiz... that is my flushed up life... i switched to contacts but no one recognized me except for a few frens. [ thought kage will be blur, but guess not.]

haiz time to sleep or i will miss my test.... night...

d'j party day 2

check my photoblog for the pics:
http://togusa-designs.blogspot.com/

night [edited 31 pics from 8.30pm to 3.30am] i am nuts....