oscars

i am bored, so i am watching the oscars.... -.-

chingay, what so nice?

chingay... not as nice as last year...

2 cups of wine, 1 glass of spite vodka and an empty stomach

when mix them together, u get a stomach ache... [ pain....]...

bad hats...

what is up with my parents? had an argument last night [Wednesday night] about me and the people i hang with. As what i posted on Tuesday morning, they confirmed it. They think i hang with bad hats. That is what that cause my change in attitude and behaviour.

Please, I hang out with geeks. Like they are punk or gangsters or rebels...
The most i go out and meet are some cosplayer friends. [ like they can change my attitude ]. They worry so much while they should worry about my grandma and her estate. It is breaking apart. Some stupid aunts and uncle, cannot ever help to look after the place. [ oh cause they know that there is no more gold bars and etc hidden in there, as it is moved in to my house safe for safekeeping for that auntie of mine ]...

families, got so much problems.

it make me want to run away from life. from problems. from people. which will make me a hikikomori... T.T... cannot be a hikikomori or NEET... [ go and read or watch Welcome to NHK...]

night.

my ear is bleeding again... [ for the 7th time...] those that went for the class chalet will remember it as the 2 hours bleeding ear... man i got to see a doc.

nice cny...

this cny... haiz... not in mood... was too moodless through the whole thing... haiz... visiting lost its interest. i lost my stomach for CNY food. no interest in yu sheng. even if u put some other seafood other than salmon or the usual fish...
i was quite the irratated during the whole 2 days, maybe due to my parents in the last 4 weeks. some know that i was abit too emo during the late nights... [ past 12am] i dun have much memories on what we talked, but i know i was quite emo and that is all.

well it is true i felt left out... i felt like an outsider... i felt like a loner... i felt like i have no one to turn to... no one to talk to... no one that wants to be talk to... no one that dun mind to be there... no one as i am a guy... if i was a girl it would be a different case... some guyz will be there to help them out their problem,but no girl seem to want to help a guy out... it is odd for a guy to call a guy and ask help out with problems.... haiz my wonderful life. I would just love to die.

one thing i know that is causing most of the problems in my life is due to my parents... they are too old fashion... they think too much for me... plan too much for me...they like to rule over me... the people i meet... they want to meet them. [ which i dun allow them coz once they met them, i will have no chance to meet them again as my parents will monitor my movements]

i dun have much friends and they want to make my list shorter. [ please note i will never allow them to meet kage and hel as my parents thinks that they are bad influence, when they are not... ]... they even dun seem to like u liao turtle... i have no idea why... they think that james is a bad hat... when he is not... if they know the rest of u guyz... i dunnoe what they think about u people...

they are freaky. and u may think i have freedom... but it is not there... i dun have any private space... they check my laptop... my msn list... my drawer... my bank statements... my phone... my cam... i ask if i can turn my study room in to my bed room... they said no right into my face... they dun want me to sleep when i want... they want to control what i do... when i sleep. when i wake up. what i eat. who i meet. what i watch. and what i do on my blog soon...

i hate this flushing life. i just want to end it... i just want to disappear.
anyone want to join me? 05:10. 4 stories should kill right. if no one knows? but suicide will void the insurance... my family need the money... the stupid geh meh is not helping... with the GST going up...

i est that my parents cpf cannot even bring my bro to uni... ending my life for him seem a good idea but how should i do it?

i dunnoe... maybe i will just cross the road
without looking

chinese new year...
just the usual visiting...
just the usual vegetarian for the whole day...
just the usual ang pao...
just the usual... haiz

happy CNY...

okay, i agree,
my english is bad. horrible. sad. sux. cock. shit. flushed.

ok. i dun get people and happy valentine day... what so happy about it?

it is conspirancy! A CONSPIRANCY! CONSPIRANCY by those flourist, and gift shop owners. They want you to buy presents to show your love to your love ones, when you just need to show love to your love one.

Haiz... it is single's day for goodness sake!! how to have happy valentine day if you are single? zul u cannot say happy valentine day when you do not have a gf!!

for you should say happy singles day. And You should not say happy valentine to a guy... unless you gay! So if i not gay, you not gay, dun say happy valentine....
you should say happy single's day...

and lastly. please say happy valentine only to your girlfriend or wife... or someone you really loved...

i am gone

after going to saf career centre to check on jpsds and the term and condition look bad... 1st i am not allow to serve the courses i want... and 2. the amount of years in it... i think i go and look at the dsta one is better... all paid uni... and $7200 a year allowance!

after so much thinking and calling and cleaning [ o.o ] and more thinking, i finally submitted my JAE.

1:aerospace technology [NP] [COP:12]
2:mechantronic engineering [NP] [COP:26]
3:digital visual effects [NP] [new course]
4:accountancy [NP] [COP:15]

and i am not nuts not picking a single JC so here is my not so final idea!...

well going to CMPB in the morning to check up the jpsds TOC... if dun like... then i dun sign up for it, but my dad seem to be pushing me to sign up for it, as in 4-5 years time he will be retired and got no money to send me to uni as he needs the money for retiring. i know that and it was the first reason i look at the jpsds idea. haiz. if i sign up for that. i will do mechantronic, but there goes my life. but i will be working for a good company... that is the SAF... which currently hires the most amount of singaporeans. [ we cannot trust our defence in foreigners].
haiz...

and briana, you are not the only lonely soul on this earth. you are not alone, so if got any problems, u can always find me. i got to thank you for trying to make me not feel down, so you too dun get down. always look up okay?

just remember this: "life is unfair and i dun care"

i love the sight of blood, dripping from my limbs. the pain is nice and refreshing, looking at the open wound, i have no fear.


okay. i just dig, cut out the corn on my toe... i am not killing myself or being emo. i managed to get it out. leaving only the things that is causing the corn thus making the operation unsuccessful. what i got was an open wound that has not stop bleeding, even with the plastal on.. -.-

ok. i am late on the posting, and due to idiots who been screaming to know my results. and some how my aunts, cousins, uncles in like china, ireland, uk, france and the bloody states... seem to know my results when i just told my parents like 30 mins before and they only told one of my aunts on both parents side... haiz...


i got 18 pts for L1R5.
14 pts for R4...
so i can get into AT and accounting... i not going to jc for goodness sake... i am not that dumb to realised that going there will kill me... like what getting F for my 'A'? haiz

well then... good night.

in exactly 13 hours i will be in my school hall, third in line to collect that long-awaited "form A"....

that form A is the killer form A. my path will be chosen by it. Either to accounting or engineering.

if it is accounting. my NS life will be bad but i will be in the big 4.
if it is to engineering. i think i will sign up to try the Joint Poly-SAF Diploma Scheme. Then i dun need to worry for the next 8 years about money. And my army life... maybe got a chance to get into DSTA or DSO... or like my cousin to ST... or be like my other cousin, still in the air force, fixing anti-air defences...

haiz...that form A... the powerful form A... [ i not planing to join any jc, so it will be the only form A i scared of.]

well i will know what to do in 13 hours time... i should have read my form A [ current time is 1:52]

please give me L1R5 less than 16! if less than 16, i can get in to AT without a problem. [ i expect my comb hum to be C6, so for engineering i dun need comb hum so it is 10! ] if it is 16 and my comb hum is B3, i maybe can do accounting...

well then... i think i will stop here... as i got nothing more to add as my brain is not fuctioning actively...

current countdown: 12 hours and 17 mins....

man... after mixing ribena vodka... i realised that the americans dun mix it coz all the bloody cocktail recipe sites i go dun have it. well it is a sg drink i guess...

so 1 pint of vodka and 200ml plus of ribena and done... [ but i think my mixture is mess up...]

haiz got to get that cocktail mix book for my dad before he screams

friday.... the 9th.... 2.30pm.... got to be in school.....

haiz got to kill myself before that.... haiz so the 6 days but CNY rule works... but it is like only 7days eariler than last year....

man what if i score more than 30?
[ unlikely but possible=> WCS= eng: C6, comb hum: F9, add math: C5, chem: B4, phy:B4, e math: B3.... total 31 T.T ]

cannot be cannot be... i dun suck that much.... e maths should be A2 [ i hope] chem and phy should be B3 or lucky A2... add maths B3 or A2... since i did not really cocked up.... that is 11 at the worse... plus a B4 for english and C6 for comb hum.... that will be 21... that is at the average worse i think... [ wait that look like my scores for prelims....]

haiz that is still bad...
i need like 12 to enter AT....
11 to do accounting....
dun need to say for the robotics one... that is 23....

haiz study like fucked and i cannot do well... must well i end it now... it is damn fucked from psle... study like mad that time for 2 mths and score 197.... y? coz of my fucked up chinese...

and now i look at my bro who is going to take his psle this year. he dun need to study a shit and can be like top 10 in class [ he is in the 2nd class]... life is so god damn shit.

ok enough about life is like shit as i tag on some else blog that life is not that shit, fuck and etc....

haiz... i should use proper english writing i my blog but i hate doing it. i know some people hate reading my blog as it is messed up with grammer, spelling and tense errors. [ dun tell me to change it or i will kick ur ass ] and zul i know you are a bit better in english than me but dun show off and try to use your skills want we are in an agruement over things that you do not know like the VoIP thing. it was a waste of 2 hours trying to tell you that the calling feature in msn is VoIP. As it uses the same technology as VoIP....-.-

wasted that time when can go and kill morons in BF2. I only have a total of 14 hours of playing it as it only can run in my bro's comp with out a single lag. [ on my laptop. 15fps, but ping is 10... T^T]

haiz. i going to have a fun week ahead. and think of a way to kill myself.
choking one self is useless as i will let go once i passout. i cannot make it look like a sucide or got no money to claim.
poisoning is too long.
maybe i should jump in front a car like what i did accidently on my BD when on the way home...

haiz should not get strest over it and what happened that day...
haiz my flushed up life...
with the missing fucked up frens i have...
all lonely again.

haiz. http://flammatory.blogspot.com/ cosfucks...want to see?? go and check it. please get eyedrops and plastic bags to catch ur eyes if they run away from your socket. the cosfucks are real fucks. fat cagalli. i dun watch Gseed but most fat cosplayers trying to do skinny characters are meant to die really die. they make the characters ugly.

even i know when to stop cosplaying L. [ got the behaviours but no looks, dun want to do for now]... well back to photographing for the next few cosplay events. and some other events.

well time to sleep cause my dad is going to complain tommorrow morning about me... haiz.

lastly... i realised... poly dun start till like the 19 of march! i got more than a month to do nothing! i will die.... well got to find some work or project or go back to school and teach those juniors as zul is not doing it.... bleh

night

*** i managed to get the coding to get rid of the stupid blogger bar***

headache!!!! thanks to yz!!!! haiz.... never mind....

ok... did not blog last night as i was sleeping since 7pm to like 12 noon today thanks to the flu i caught from somewhere... haiz...

also i realised... i got nothing to blog and WHEN THE FUCK THE DAY THE RESULTS ARE COMING OUT?????

they should have announced it liao but still nothing from MOE... haiz... the tensions is killing me...

i can say it will come out before the 9th of feb as 6 days of registation have to be done by CNY and the date cannot be on a weekend so the rumour date of the 5th fit in it but the announcement of the release date is abit late liao... so the 5th is also out.

that left with the 7th, 8th and 9th but they usually give 5 days grace period from the announcement to the release date so if they anounce on monday [ the 5th] [5 day work week, so no announcement on sat or sunday] it will fall on the 9th or 12th which is kind of unlikely as it is too close to CNY....

haiz... so the dates i guess left is the 9th [ next friday] or the 12th [2 mondays time]

well the right note to set for CNY i see... haiz...

night