I just want to fly away

I always have this issue when i am thrown into a new environment. Being out of my comfort zone is kinda tiring for me as i tend to use way too much energy pretending that i am okay while i am not.
i has been in this state for multiple times during this short coming to 22 years.

During Primary one: loner coz I dun know how to mix around by tried really hard.
During Sec 1: went back to hang out with primary school frens instead of mixing around with my classmate.
Poly year 1: could not even communicate with the aerospace classmates of mine, endded up hanging out with more "weirder" people from JTC and photography club.
NS: although everyone was the same age in BMT, i just can't seem to blend in, tried to but end up being left out.

Yes there is something wrong with my altitude and i need to change it, but i can't really see what is the issue.
other than i can't mix around as well as I like to be.
i dun follow the horde/ crowd.
I like to be a bit different.     
I want to be unique.

And really the system here made/brainwash us to avoid ppl who thinks differently?
Yes i maybe anti-govt, but i dun anti-PAP. i anti-the system that PAP made.
Profit driven companies will die in the long run, ya try to run a multi-million dollar machine with cheapo spare parts.
Really what is the point of earning so much then lose it all the next year?

Okay this post is getting no sense or no where.

All i want to say. I want to get out of this country, settle down somewhere else, get attached and be happy.

which is all impossible with my current state of affairs. no way i can afford uni, or know anyone in another country to help me move there, or any girl to accept me who i am or to be contented with who and what i have.

YAY i just broke one of my new year goals.: #13: be positive.  

Maybe i always had this problem of getting used to new environment, that i always want to escape back in to my comfort zone, in a place that i will not mess up.