thy moodless

haiz... life is so flushed up...

my dad is being more of a bastard than normal this few months. Come on, his knowledge of history is based on discovery channel and the latest history channel which history shows are like 5 years old *oh history history shows*... come on japan DID NOT go near alaska at all... it is just that the americans scared that they invaded that way...

he should know i will get out of his hand. I am not that cute little small boy that he used to play with. I have grown, i gained knowledge, i have my plans *which he destroyed*... COME ON I DUN live my life in his shadows. I DUN WANT TO FOLLOW HIS ORDERS. I am ME, myself, I. Not his son, his kid, his follower.

I have the right to do things my way. His way is old and not up to date. I dun want to be anti-social like him. I dun want to end up like him, a huge piece of fat that have friends that he either, dun like to hang too much or scared they say something about him as they are way richer and powerful.

Ya... i was to be a rich man son, but i dun give a shit of what happened. It happened way before i was born. But now, he is turning to be like his mom, senile and going mad. Mom and i knew it was going to happen since he was getting jumpy.... everything we say he will listen in. Scared we going to boycott him?. He is flushed up. i feel like moving his computer and put it in his bedroom. I am going to claim my study room as my bed room soon... i cannot take his attitude... i dun care if even if he is going to kill me. maybe it is better if i died. Their life will be much peaceful.

I just want to get away from his rule... i have the right to say your data is old and dun say i am arguing with you, when u are the one that dun want to take it as the truth.
Why should i give in to him?
why should i not argue for the truth?
why should i agree with the lies, with an idiot?
why should i listen to a person who had a girlfriend at my age?

come on, they both hanging out together at my age, but they are telling me NOT to get into one.. COME ON i got into 2 and they dun even know. I dun even know i am my dad's son. How can i be so skinny when he and my bro are so god damn fat. the only things that i have from my dad sides *which my mom's dad also had* are, bow legs and curly hair.

my brown hair was from my mom, so as my looks, my eyes, my eyelid, my med probs, my allergies, my low alcohol torrence levels. my fucking temple, my blood prb.

what else i want to state? I am like more from my mom then from my dad... maybe i should just get a DNA test when i am older... and see for myself...

-Little more than before [slip out]-

I don't know since when I changed to such a cold-hearted guy.
I have to warm this frozen icy lonely heart to thaw.
I like being wrapped with warmness more than anything else for sure.
I'm gonna make my coming days to be filled with laughter and joy.

I let myself down that I'm more cruel than I thought I would be.
I'm just a loser who ends up by caring for my soul.
I've become a man from a kid and now turn back to a kid again.
I can now show and give my love a little more than before.

Sorrow is what I hate but it's grown my sensations.
Regrets taught me how to make any hard decisions.
Peace is always by my side but I've never felt it once.
Love is not the word only for the sweet romance.

Well I'm scared, scared, scared, scared to death.
And I'm scared to keep on going on my way.
Well I'm scared, scared, scared, scared to death.
And I'll tell myself I'm special till the end.

Recalling my torn borken, aching heart of these long days.
And all the memories I wanted to forget for making leaps.
Recalling, aching, breaking, crying , making sure to me.
And I take all grin at my future on the way.

Sorrow is what I hate but it's grown my sensations.
Regrets taught me how to make any hard decisions.
Peace is always by my side but I've never felt it once.
Love is not the word only for the sweet romance.

Well I'm scared, scared, scared, scared to death.
And I'm scared to keep on going on my way.
Well I'm scared, scared, scared, scared to death.
And I'll tell myself I'm special till the end.

I've become a man from a kid and now turn back to a kid again.
I can now show and give my love a little more than before....

-----
i still miss you...

21th

i got my harry potter book 1st thing in the morning...

went for photography outing at sentosa... but vic stole my cam for most all of the time. man, the time i got it back, was to take shots of her close up being yuki...

hating school...

i dunnoe, i just lost interest in going to school. it is like i am totally moodless to go. Is it due to i start to hate the classes, to the due i see no use of going? or is it my mind is somewhere else.

she dun read here anymore. i guess. but i miss her...

Full moon sways...
Gently in the night of one fine day
On my way...
Looking for a moment with my dear

Full moon waves.
Slowly on the surface of the lake
You were there...
Smilling in my arms for all those years

What a fool...
I don't know 'bout tomorrow...
What it's like to be
Ah~

I was fool,
Couldn't let myself to go
Even though I feel...
The end

Old love affair...
Floating like a bird resting her wings
You were there...
Smiling in my arms for all those years

What a fool...
I don't know 'bout tomorrow...
What it's like to be
Ah~

I was fool
couldn't let myself to go
Even though I feel...
The end

Full moon sways...
Gently in the night of one fine day
You are there
Smiling in my arms for all thoses years...

cosfest day 3

flush it! how suay can i get???

devil king do you hate me that much???

cosfest day 2

haiz i suay lah...

painkillers...

if any of u do not know, I hate friday the 13th[ mainly it is the week leading up to it...]

haiz it is also the 13th week that i am on painkillers since.In total, i have tried 4 different types...

lets see, the first one.it messed up my life as it was too strong and gives me memories blank periods which make me unable to remember a crap and i think i was unstable during those periods, but i will never know as she will not tell me..
*doctor did not tell me about those effects till i ask him if it will affect my memories during class*

that made him change my meds to the second type... a smaller dose [ in a single pill] but i was told to take 2 if my head hurts like mad. no memory loss [ i think] but it made me unstable [emotionally and in the mental state], plus what happened after that last friday the 13th...

after hearing the complains from my mom,

he switch it to a even smaller dose that temp kill the pain [ 2 -4 hrs]
that one was anti-depression too i guess as i was more stable and can think straight with it. without it i will go high... [nuts and etc]

but i have to stop that one as last thursday, after seeing the dentist due to a toothache, the dentist gave me a damn powerful painkiller for my headache and tooth pain. [ but the side effect was that it cause a major pain right after taking then i dun feel a thing.] it is also another anti-depression i think...

well the reason i am on this new one is that it looks like i have a wisdom tooth problem.if i am not able to pay for the op for it, i will have to go on to long term painkillers that may damage my health, body and liver and nerves....

haiz mess up life... well i should be used to this... been taking drugs from the age of 4. [ maybe earlier cause i only have rough memories from that age only]... haiz... weaking. that is what i am...

i am on polaramine for long term since the 1st time taking it..
danzen is another long term on off drug.
panado and all the fever meds are another on off drugs...
i still got some anti-depression meds from sec 1 to 3...
dun need to say about painkillers
still got others...

afew for my breathing problems if it happen again... [4, 8, 12 years old that time, so the next was to be at 16 years old, but it did not, so it may happen this year]

afew for my crazy ulcer outbreaks that make me look like a crazy person.... [ 2, 10, 16, 17 but treated early so the outbreak did not happened [about 16 weeks ago] ]

still got 2 for my skin treatment... [ but it seems i can stop eatting them]...

mhh... and my mom blame this on herself cause i was fed with homos when i was in her... [which where to make sure i survive through the 9 mths]

i think soon i need some sleeping pills... cannot sleep well...

cosfest...

was supposed to blog this on sat night, but due to my fucking AMP report and some photos editing, i did not..

okay one thing about cosfest on saturday was that, it was not cosfest... it was tanjong pagar GRC festa cum samba dance competition cum cosfest. Due to MM Lee appearance, there were x-ray scanners and metal detectors but it seems that a swiss army knife in my bag as not an item of interest for the cops...

well that is singapore for you. well the joke was that they scared the props can kill... [ duh] but most of the props cannot fit into the scanners... and the cops have to stick a ugly blue sticker on the props [ which damages the props] haiz...

well if i go into a time line,

4pm: queue up to enter the lock down area.
4.05pm: got into the lock down area [ the uncle in front of me was a film cam user and got 2 and was asking alot of crap cause the cops were forcing him to put his cam in to the x-ray scanner...]
4.06pm: saw the guard. [ he was a post-ww2 east german soldier]
then the blah blah take take till like 7pm
7pm: turtle called then went to dhoby for ramen.
8.15pm:enter the ramen shop
9pm: finished and walk around daiso, got $2 worth of sandpaper
** if u need sandpaper go to daiso, for $2 u can get 1200 grid to 60 grid!!!!**
9.15pm: walked to carfour coz james want that wasbi seaweed...
dun have, gone head to mrt,
9.45pm: x-zone at dhoby, but the para machine was queued...
9.50pm: head to Toa payoh.
10.15pm: end up at x-zone in TP, turtle para-ing, i grab a chair and getting moodless/ and down...
10.30pm: head back to TP interchange and grab a bus back home...
10.55pm: turn on my laptop, gets more moodless when open my project
11.55pm: too moodless to do the project edit 5 pics and upload to sgcafe.
12plus am: kage reached home after her 10.30 movie of transformers. Called her...
3.30plus am: put down the phone.
4.18am: total words typed in to my project, 1 short paragraph.
4.30am: went to sleep.


mh... continue!

2.30pm: woke up,
5.30pm: started rushing my amp project [7hrs 30 to dateline...]
9.30pm: dinner, finished 5 pages [2hrs 30 to dateline..]
11.45pm: finished the work [15mins left!!!]
11.50pm: finally log in to mel [9mins plus left]
11.54pm: mel lagging, finally got to the submission page [5mins!!!]
11.58pm: upload to the submission page done [1min!!!]
11.59pm: finally say that i submitted it.

what the flush... it took me 15 mins to do some thing that takes me 2 mins in school...

okay some pics.

the east german NCO

haruhi suzumiya, had to request for this pose.

one of the 3 entrance to enter...
cosplayers with prop are only allowed to enter by this one
brought some d.gray man stickers from this booth...


peggy as akito from air gear, the character is actually a bishi guy, why is he i a dress? read the air gear chapter when they are in kyoto...

nana day....

in 46 hours i will be dead as my AMP written report is not done yet...

in 13 hours i will be at cosfest...

in 10 hours i will be awake...

in 4 hours i will be sleeping

in 1 hour i will be doing my AMP report.

right now, i am down, moodless again...

haiz... the thoughts are going through my heads again, there is nothing to worry about... she will avoid me like i avoid/cannot see her. she will confirm will not pose for a shot later today, why am i worried about it??? there is nothing to be scared of but thoughts are going wild inside. *could it be my painkillers??*

headache, toothache and a bowling league...

fuck it... i have to dig for my extra drugs again... this time the headache is caused by a toothache. which looks like coming from my wisdom tooth. I am supposed to detox the painkillers out of my system...

haiz, the pain is now 4 times as bad as thing morning, it is like someone is beating up my brains [ and jaw].how am i to bowl tonight at the league?????

//*oh ya it is 4th of july... so lets sing the US anthem...*//
kageshi hope u reading this, so happy 4th of july. happy birthday!

manga, talks, class, projects and manga

okay for those that wonder that does that title mean, it has no meaning... i will take it down into parts..

firstly, manga. THIS IS WHAT I WAS DOING SINCE LAST WEEK IN CLASS!!! reading manga online as:
1. i can finish the autocad stuff fast...
2. c-programming is chicken feet
3. i am surfing the net during TF
4. AMP is a die die module
5. maths is sec 3/4 add/e maths... got enough time to do and read...

what else?i am also bored... somehow i lost the will to study hard, i just want to read manga, watch anime, take photos and play 2142...

next word, talks... over this few days i have the longest few talks with ppl on the phone.... [ usually only one or 2 in a week, but this time it is like 6]

i am fine with it,but i realised.it is draining me.[those that called me, dun blame yourself, it is my bad here] i am not as strong as i am or what u see.i am a weaking. i am gas can, u can pump more air inside, it will compress, but one day, the thin alu can will burst open. some have seen it happen, but this time no one slowly releasing the pressure.

this one is simple, class = sleeping time... [was awake for autocad due to manga, that is the same for tf today, but i slept for like 30mins in japanese]

projects, i am screwed okay. i got 2 major projects due on sunday 080707 2359... i am screwed as,
for the the amp one, i have not really started...
c programming, i dunnoe if he is the right guy to link up with. i need a prefect score for my c-programming...
there are still side line projects like my IS project, cosfest...

and back to manga... air gear, beck, vk, deathnote... heck go and read them.

huh?

okay i found a tab on my firefox showing the posting screen, i am not sure when i turn it to here, so heck, i got nothing to blog, go to sleep.

the 12ed change

i have finished designing the 12 blogskin for my blog... it seems okay, i just now need to do some extra coding later, since i did this for the last 6hours plus. okay

good morning world, i am going to sleep.

down...

all around me... i see are pairs... pairs of everything...

new blog skin in 5 hours, please stand by...

haiz...

i am back, online [ got a new router at $108]...

haiz...