I wish I knew what am I doing...

God I miss that 700¥ thrift shop along cat street in Tokyo... I wish there are such awesome shop in Singapore.... really salvation army is not a good thrift shop and there are little choices other than that.

Well that is not the point of this post... I dunnoe man... For the pass few weeks , the more I dun do anything... I start to think too much once again...
Thinking of the army.
Thinking of work.
Thinking of my photography...
Thinking about my life...
Thinking about her...

It not that I am having a bad time/ torturing myself. But somehow, I dun feel comfortable when I am happy... *damn I spent too much time emoing*

I am too used to be sad, down, alone. But when the happy moments come by, somehow I will cock things up... I knew shit like this will happen but yet instead of avoiding it, I just drive straight through, telling myself it is okay. But really is it okay? Is it okay for me to go though this torture? Is it okay for me to continue on what I am doing?...

I really dun know.. But whatever it is I will still try to survive. And do what I can do to support you, if you are reading this....

In pain.

Okay no photos coz I am blogging from tekong. It been awhile since I last posted anything here, well a lot of shit/ pain happened but well I kinda expected this to happened to me during this 2 years.

-Skip this post if u dun want to read my bitching. And ah new Photos will be up this weekend -

Well for those that have not been followin me on twitter ( which amazingly I am able to update it) I been diagnosied with a rotoary cuff injury (supraspinatus tendiopathy) on my right shoulder and It seems I torn a tendon. And the fucked up thing, it was due to push up...

Not to mention, I am here in tekong (BMT) for 8 weeks and I injuried myself like in the 2nd week. And from what it seems I will have to recourse BMT in 6 months or so after this tear heal.

Is it fair?, nope, come on I was obviously an unfit soldier thrown into PES B and gotten heat cramps in the first 2 weeks and torn a tendon. What else I need to get for them to realise that there is something wrong with me?

So basically for the last 6 weeks and for the coming 40 plus days I am excused doing nearly everything and wasting my life in tekong. And before this I only went to A&E like once for my stomach infection...

really I never went to the hospital so many times in a month.
Never had 3 different injections in a span of 3 days...
Had like 2 times the number of x-rays that I had my entire life. Or even an ultra sound scan to find that I have a hole in my shoulder...
Oh ya not to mention the amount of painkillers I am on.

Thank goodness, SAF is paying every cent or not I really wonder why the hell am I risking my life for this army. Not that I hate singapore it is just that I am not built to be a soldier. I can help in other ways but not in runnin up and down hills as a riflemen.

Well I better stop bitching and go back filling in my injury report forms which is made so people like me can't filled it in or so SAF will not need to do a single pay out to "minor" cases like mine, they got to be more worried of the SCT that had a 40mm exploded or the other SCT that died in the west.

Who really cares of the recruits at tekong? Well not the MO, I meant look at the flu case...