portfoilo?

http://moodlessdays.carbonmade.com/

carbonmade.com, it is a simple cool portfoilo site. 35 photos and 5 projects [categories] for free, i will not mind using it to show case my maya renders and photography…

i am that nice...

really what vic randomly said to me on thursday, stuck me in the head...

"togu, you are too nice that you dun have a backbone..."

after today, i think it is really true... which guy rush home and blog the shit that happened just moments before? one with no backbone does that i guess...

haiz...

after like 3 years of knowing her... asking her out like 4 times before... and letting her get a boyfriend. I think i am way too nice to her. I used to be like by her side when she need me, when she dump her ex, did her props. and yet she dun see the kindest or give any thing in return... at first i am okay with it, but now i think about it, i am wasting my life on her.

She was the one that made me think twice of another girl that i liked... yet she never think twice of dating that idiot jock which totally not her type... now again... she has fallen for the sweet things again on another guy, interlocking their arms together walking as i am behind being forced to see this parade...

The guy popped out of no where... and ya, i was with her shopping for her materials. why it is the guys that randomly appeared in her life that she is interested in? although she can tell me she is not interested in him... your body language says another thing... it is like that time you are with the jock... you can say on msn that will never go out with him, but on the same day you agreed to his proposal...

ailing... at times, i really have no idea what are you thinking at times... it is not that you are random... it is that you really having some personality issues... so much for a girl i liked...

life... and why...

some knew that when i blog alot, it meant that i had no one to talk about my issues...

well maybe..

had a small meet up for lunch with some of my old scouts buddies. Had ichiban as yj had an $80 voucher *and it was a lunch for his birthday* well ya and we thought we under-budget but ended up $8 bucks over...

well $2 bucks for One gaint plate of raw fish... well it is worth!... spent $10 at the arcade at dhoby with them wasted one game of para due to wrong settings

had a fun time... but then it is back to life again...

once again i wonder... why do nice guys finish last? it is me or are girls blind and go for bastards and assholes... then when they were dumped... they come complaining why are there no nice guys in the world when the guy they complaining to, just canceled all plans coz the girls sent an emo message, and come rushing to their side...

yet at the end of the day... they are so blind and dun see the kindness the guy showed and the girl ended up with another ass..

haiz life... i dun think i can be nice anymore... it is killing my heart...

this is how i work...

that is my bed, that is my dad's old drawing board and that is the only lamp i have left... damn life...

what happens when you locked the whole family up?

well i was told to lock up the 2nd floor when i left for school this morning. i was expecting my dad to have the key, but no...
no one had the key....

gg... so after picking the lock for 30mins, my dad had a great plan, i was to climb up the neighbouring wall,then put a ladder there, and climb up it with little stability, slide on a pillar to the 1st level's roof. then slowly walk over it to my bro's room window and force open it then climb into it and stepped on to my old laptop.... -.-

gg right, it took me like 2 mins to get in by the window.... wasted 30mins of doing the old fashion lock picking -.-...

am i alone?

when i look around... y do i feel that i am alone, it is like everyone else have someone else, but no one is there for me... sometimes i wonder, do i really have friends or are some just "friends" or is it me, myself avoiding them...

i dunnoe what is going on... i dunnoe y do feel so down, but i dunnoe why am i so alone, when i am surrounded by people everyday...

i need a break..

it is not even the second week of school, and i am starting to break down...

this kinda of happened at the start of every school term i had since primary school...
after spending weeks alone during the holidays, going back to a class is so unreal. I felt that i am using a different face and personality when i am in school or outside and it is tiring me out fast...

maybe what hector said to me last sem during the one on one discussion section was true... I dun belong anywhere, i create a persona to fit in. that why no 2 different groups of people i know can match up with the other group.

Cosplayers are still weird to many, Including photographers...
Some groups of photographers i know dun match up with other photographers i know...
My classmates in secondary school are different to the people i know in robotics
and my scouts buddies never understand view on robotics, photography and cosplay...

he kinda of guessed that i am alone too much that i try too hard to try to make friends yet at the end of the day, no one is there for me... so hard that it is a burden for me that i cannot take it soon...

maybe i really need to go back to IMH again for depression...

my store room.

but really it is my room...



amazingly, i have space to us it as a studio -.-

i am beated

*yawns* my "new" room is like a store room, i am going to sleep in a room with boxes surrounding my bed *my parent's not that old sofa bed*!!... really... my light source are 2 small lamps

well at least, i am not sharing rooms. well time to sleep, u will not see any pics of it for awhile as it was on film...

* i am so happy i dun have S&W on monday!!!!! see you dvfx folks on tuesday!*

last night in potong pasir

i was busy packing from 11pm till now... *and still continuing... -.-*

so it is now last morning in potong pasir... -.- okay

well phase 3 is going to start in 3hrs time so time to take a nap and back to packing...

i living in a dump

well what... the move is on sunday... and yesh my place look like a dump

*shows pic* and ignore my face PLEASE!!!

june

sep

just now.

whao! my crap disappeared... to...

the floor

okay time to sleep,i have a shoot at what 12 and meeting kage at 10 plus... @.@... nights world!

wifi at my grand's place

blogging live from my grandma's place ... -.- lolz...

well phase 2 of the move is in action.
Network is running so is phone, but for now no one is here..


well this is my "new" room, it used to be my hikikomori uncle's room and my dad's from long long time ago.

togusa is offline!

as of 3.48am.

My network server is down for good in potong pasir.
Currently i am on Phase 1 of the move.

Singtel have disconnected my Net access and fixed phone line at 3.48am.
Today at 10am they are to come over to my gran's place to install the new cables and set up the network there.

well it is 4am and time to sleep...
*jessie if u are reading this, dun mind if i borrow your net for a few days*

finally

finally i got my timetable



Once again it is a 3 day school week for me!!!!
Well. I went to NP on monday to check if am i enrolled in my course or not... what happened was that or what FMS office thought to be was that as i am a transferred student the system dun auto update me. but well they were shocked.

monday -> no class due to i did S&W and CATS last year. *hated those modules*
tuesday -> 9am-6pm Photography!!!! ya 9 to 1 all on photography, well maybe sharpen my skills only... Writen Comm T.T... it is English class again... i am expecting to score badly for it. Animation Foundation -> Zbrush and basic flipbook and etc. should be okay for this module. Location Production! the most fun and expensive module.
and yes on tuesday i have like 4 of 5 modules i am taking this sem...
wednesday ->9am-5pm 3D art by calvin again!. more to wiremesh and clay. aniFdn in the afternoon.
thursday -> 9am- 11pm? Writ comm T.T in the morning for 3 hours... then 2hrs break then locprd! till 6, then it is cca till 11pm.... i so going to kill myself.. -.-
friday -> for projects i guess and well cca at 5/6pm...

well it should be a good sem.

I cannot drink. pronto.

It is getting worse. My alcohol tolerance has gone to the all time low i think...

In the past, 2 bottles [500ml total] of sake and i will just get the itch... and well super high... but these days [like tonight] 2 bloody small sake cup and i was turning red and well high abit, but not drunk...

and i dun get how some frens can finish a whole bottle of vodka when 30ml of it with 2 mugs of ribbena and make me knock out...

so if anyone ask me to go clubbing, i think the free drink coupon will last me the night... -.-

fyi: i cannot drink tiger, heineken [turn rosy in like 1 mug for draft or 2 small bottles]... asahi and kirin and yebisu have little effects on me. one glass of wine and i go red.